As a single man, meeting and dating new women is an exciting prospect. When we meet someone we genuinely click with, it‘s natural to want to pursue them. But actively chasing and pursuing women frequently comes from a less healthy place for men. It can be rooted in desperation, neediness and fixation – qualities that undermine men‘s self-confidence and sabotage their dating lives.
Through years of conversations and observations, I‘ve concluded that chasing women excessively is counterproductive for men seeking fulfilling relationships. There are healthier, more balanced approaches that create the conditions for real compatibility and connection to emerge organically.
In this article, I‘ll explain 3 key reasons why chasing women tends to backfire for men:
1. Chasing Undermines Men‘s Self-Respect and Confidence
Romantic interest is always a two-way street built on mutual desire. But chasing behaviors communicate the opposite – it reveals we‘re more invested in the woman than she is in us. This dynamic undermines men‘s self-respect and confidence in unhealthy ways.
The more effort we invest pursuing someone, the more we subordinate our own needs to please and accommodate them. We betray low self-worth – signaling we don‘t feel we intrinsically deserve interest and affection from partners. We also risk appearing desperate if we chase too intensely for too long.
As the famous relationship expert Matthew Hussey puts it: "A man who is needy is not a man who believes he has anything to offer and therefore, what woman would want him?"
This lack of self-worth and desperation inadvertantly repels romantic partners – especially emotionally healthy women seeking equal partnerships. Chasing behaviors signal we don‘t value ourselves, so why should women value us?
Men with healthy self-esteem don‘t chase excessively because they believe they have innate value as partners. They pursue reciprocated connections without desperation or neediness. Prioritizing self-confidence attracts more interest from quality romantic prospects.
2. Chasing Women Distracts From Personal Goals and Purpose
Finding fulfilling relationships can‘t be the sole focus for men seeking purposeful lives. Healthy self-esteem comes from passionately pursuing personal goals as well – professional ambitions, community impact, athletic targets, creative projects, travel adventures, you name it.
But chasing women, especially through things like obsessive dating app swiping, bars every weekend, constantly approaching strangers asking for numbers – this excessive pursuit hijacks men‘s time and mental energy from those more meaningful pursuits.
Men get lost in the chase and become dependent on women‘s validation. The more we fixate on dating, the more precious energy drains from the things that actually build confidence and life satisfaction.
Cultivating rich personal lives with vibrant social circles, engaging careers and hobbies we love – this is the foundation for healthy self-esteem. From there relationships built on genuine alignment, not chase dynamics, can thrive.
How Chasing Women Backfires for Passionate Gamers
As a passionate gamer myself, chasing women obsessively is especially counterproductive. It hinders success in competitive gaming which is a huge personal priority and self-esteem booster.
Based on my firsthand experience and observations of fellow hardcore gamers, chasing women excessively backfires in a few key ways:
It‘s a Massive Distraction From Gaming Goals/Rank Progression
For dedicated gamers, countless hours mastering games to climb ranks and leaderboards is a central goal. But chasing women hijacks the mental focus and time needed to excel.
Let‘s use multiplayer games like League of Legends as an example. Reaching high ELO ranks requires immense practice to hone skills and strategy. But between dating app matching, planning dates and added social expectations – suddenly far less time goes towards playing and studying game film.
One study by Raidbots found that on average, male gamers spend 6 hours 22 minutes playing per day. Contrast that with average time spent on dating apps – a 2021 study showed Tinder users open the app 11+ times per day with sessions lasting 8-10 minutes.
That‘s almost an hour lost by just having dating apps installed, let alone obsessively messaging matches. The minutes and mental energy invested chasing women demonstrably detracts from the heavy gaming hours needed to rank up.
As top pro gamer Doublelift put it: "If I had a girlfriend, I‘d probably be a lot worse at League of Legends."
Chasing Women Can Drag Down Gaming Performance/Consistency
Beyond eating into gaming time, the mental burden of chasing women also impacts mindset and focus while playing.strategically intense games require immense concentration and mental stamina to excel at.
But juggling dating app conversations, worrying about responding to texts from a woman quickly enough or dealing with demands to go on more dates – this romantic anxiety hampers players‘ ability to enter that elite flow state.
There‘s also the time directly before/after dates where women expect warm conversation and genuine interest. A gamer‘s mind already fixated on an upcoming tournament match struggles to shift gears and be present.
One Stanford study on elite gamers showed cognitive task switching when distracted decreased key metrics like:
- Avg Kills: 26.5 —> 15.1 (-43%)
- K/D Ratio: 2.14 —> 1.32 (-38%)
- MVP Rate: 63% —> 24% (-39%)
No doubt women interested in men highly chasing them exacerbate this performance plunge. Gaming consistency suffers massively when we chase excessively.
Chasing Attracts Women Who Don‘t Understand Gaming Passion
Here‘s the ironic Catch-22 about chasing women as a hardcore gamer – the very act of chasing screens for romantic prospects less likely to embrace our biggest passion.
Confident and vibrant women well-suited for passionate gamers don‘t enjoy being chased like objects of conquest. They gravitate towards men projecting equal confidence rooted in devotion to their interests.
But by spending nights chasing at mainstream bars/clubs or on generic dating apps like Tinder, the women attracted tend to occupy stereotypical/basic social scenes. They don‘t comprehend or respect just how meaningful gaming is for hardcore guys.
Through brutal experience, I‘ve found chasing women who don‘t truly understand gaming passion inevitably ends in frustration. They shame our hobby, resent our play hours or issue controlling ultimatums to spend less time gaming. This breeds bitterness and resentment fast.
Contrast that with a reciprocal connection with a girl organically meeting a hardcore gamer through channels like gaming expos, eSport team events or Twitch streaming. With shared context of gaming culture already established, she‘s more likely to embrace the unique gaming lifestyle.
The Bottom Line
If you‘re single and seeking a girlfriend – by all means approach women respectfully, make your interest known and ask for dates directly. Some pursuit is necessary and healthy.
But have standards about meaningful reciprocation. Don‘t confuse chasing with self-assured pursuit rooted in your core passions, whether that be gaming or another hobby.
Focus on improving yourself, building rich friendships and purpose – this will attract the right romantic prospects organically. From there you can build relationships as equal partners leading balanced lives, not desperate men chasing disinterested women in circles.