Going no contact with a narcissist can be one of the most challenging yet empowering decisions you make. It means cutting ties completely with a toxic person who has caused you pain.
In this comprehensive guide, I‘ll explain everything you need to know about going no contact with a narcissist, including the reasons you may want to do so, the many benefits for your wellbeing, and tips for successfully implementing and maintaining it.
What Does "No Contact" With a Narcissist Mean?
Going no contact refers to cutting off all communication and contact with the narcissistic person. This includes:
- Blocking their number and social media accounts
- Avoiding places they frequent
- Refusing to respond if they reach out through other channels
- Removing mutual connections that may relay information to them
Essentially, you work to eliminate any avenue the narcissist could use to contact, harass, or manipulate you. The message is clear – you refuse to engage whatsoever.
This is more extreme than simply ignoring a narcissist. Ignoring still allows them access to you as a source of narcissistic supply through things like social media posts or checking if you’ve read their messages.
No contact is shutting down all supply routes. Some describe it as a “narcissistic blockade”. The goal is starve them out completely.
Why Go No Contact With a Narcissist?
There are many excellent reasons for going no contact:
It Asserts Your Independence
After being dominated, belittled and criticized, going no contact helps you regain autonomy. It’s a bold statement that you can and will move forward independently without their poisonous presence.
It Protects Your Mental Health
Narcissists employ an arsenal of manipulation tactics from gaslighting to threats. This psychological warfare damages self-esteem and mental stability. Going no contact defends you from further erosion of mental health.
It Frees Up Your Time and Energy
When in contact, you expend ridiculous effort tiptoeing around them. No contact frees up time and energy that can be reinvested into self-care and relationships with people who truly matter.
It Lets You Move On
You’re stuck as long as they have access to you. Limiting contact to a “safe” level rarely works since narcissists escalate abusive behaviors over time. Completely cutting contact gives you space to begin healing and rebuild your life.
You Deserve Better Treatment
The most compelling reason is that you deserve so much better. Why should anyone tolerate cruelty, dishonesty and manipulation from an abusive, toxic narcissist? They shouldn’t – and with no contact, they won’t have to any more.
The Many Benefits of Going No Contact
Going no contact with a narcissist can be difficult initially, but many who commit to cutting contact report experiencing:
Improved Self-Esteem and Confidence
Away from the narcissist’s cruel put-downs, your self-worth blossoms. You begin appreciating your strengths that they once ridiculed. Confidence follows since what they thought no longer matters.
Increased Calm and Reduced Anxiety
Narcissists provoke constant stress and anxiety. Finally going no contact brings the peace your mind and body craves. You reclaim composure, sleep better and feel less tense.
Greater Self-Awareness
Without narcissists sowing self-doubt, you can reflect clearly on your own needs and wants. You discover more of your true talents, values, preferences and goals.
Healthier Relationships
Going no contact leaves more energy and positivity for nurturing good connections with others. Supportive friends and family draw closer as less drama encumbers the friendship.
More Time For Your Passions
When not drained from narcissistic drama, you pursue more of what energizes you. Revel in hobbies neglected when keeping the narcissist appeased became a second job.
Financial Savings
Narcissists exploit people financially too. Without lending them money or covering their expenses, more money stays in your pocket for your own needs.
The list of benefits goes on and on – better boundaries, less criticism, improved work performance, even a healthier immune system.
Freedom from narcissistic abuse opens up endless possibilities to reclaim your power and joy. The longer no contact persists, the more benefits accumulate over time.
How to Go No Contact With a Narcissist
Committing to no contact requires planning and determination to prevent the narcissist from weaseling back into your world.
Follow this step-by-step guide to successfully implement no contact:
Step 1: Close Communication Channels
Phone numbers, email addresses, social media accounts – block the narcissist everywhere possible. This eliminates many avenues they could use to contact or harass you.
If viable, return any belongings still in their possession and retrieve your own stuff from them. This final exchange preempts future reasons to reconnect.
Step 2: Remove Mutual Connections
Ask trusted friends and family members to not share information about you with the narcissist moving forward.
Defriend/unfollow the narcissist’s close connections on social media. This stops indirect access about you reaching the narcissist through flying monkeys.
Step 3: Create Physical Distance
Avoid the narcissist’s usual hangouts like restaurants they frequent or stores they shop at. Taking a new route to work may also be prudent.
Not risking running into them reduces opportunities for them to confront you in public causing a scene.
Step 4: Establish Your Boundaries
If you have shared children or work together, strict boundaries are essential. Communication should be limited to only essential texts and emails about the kids or job.
Set the expectation from the start that you refuse to engage in lengthy conversations or get pulled into arguments. Boundaries keep things focused, civil and business-like.
Step 5: Seek Support
Inform close supporters of your decision to go no contact and the reasons why so they can validate and encourage you. Confide in them if you struggle with missing the narcissist so they can gently reinforce why no contact is wise.
Join support groups, online or in-person, to exchange tips about implementing no contact from others who completely understand the challenges involved. Feel fortified knowing many stand with you.
Step 6: Boost Self-Care
Make nurturing yourself a top priority, especially early on. Do plenty of relaxing and enjoyable activities that comfort and restore you. Treat yourself often – you absolutely deserve it after all you’ve endured.
Self-care helps counteract the post-narcissistic void and any grief you might feel over the severed relationship. It reminds your nervous system that you’re safe now.
What to Expect When Going No Contact
At first, narcissists often react badly to no longer having access to their supply source. Some common narcissistic extinction bursts include:
- Pleading texts promising change and asking for another chance
- Sending gifts and other bribes to break no contact
- Rage texts blaming and threatening
- Attempts to guilt-trip you by claiming they’re depressed or suicidal without you
- Bad-mouthing you online or to mutual connections
- Stalking you online or trying to show up where you’ll be
Stay strong and never yield to extinction burst tactics no matter how dramatic the outreach. Textbook narcissist behavior when losing supply access, it’s all an act to regain control.
With no reactions from you over time, narcissists do tend to move onto easier targets. However, some periodically return from the abyss to poke at your resolve even months or years later by love-bombing you when they’re between sources.
Assume all surprise declarations of their mistake in letting you go or how much they’ve changed are ploys. Narcissists never sustainably change for the better. Tough love works – just keep ignoring attempts to reconnect to maintain your new life of peace sans narcissistic abuse.
Tips For Staying Strong In No Contact
Maintaining no contact requires discipline and commitment. You must remain a complete steel fortress against charms offensives and manipulation tactics intended to tear down your defenses.
Follow these tips to help navigate the challenges of no contact:
Pre-Write Responses You Won’t Send
When you get the urge to respond to hoovering attempts or confront their lies, open a journal and vent instead. Write what you wish you could say to fully express your anger and disgust over their actions. Then revel in NOT sending it. Channel righteous energy into moving forward.
Reread Past Texts
If you waiver and contemplate letting the narcissist back in, reread old texts from them demonstrating how horrible they truly are. Recall how you felt receiving their insults, threats, put-downs and boundary-stomping to renew no contact conviction.
Track Progress
Note mental health improvements in the weeks after going no contact. When missing the narcissist, review this inventory of reduced anxiety, anger, stress or sadness that has occurred since cutting them off.Stay focused on your goals for greater happiness.
Reward Milesstones
Celebrate no contact milestones like one month or six months narcissist-free with nice dinners, massages or weekends away pampering yourself. Keep your vision locked onto the present and future – only looking forward.
The beginning of implementing no contact often proves most challenging. As the weeks and months pass, missing the narcissist fades while liking your refreshed life accelerates.
Stay mindful of healthier goals now possible working to steadily reinforce your decision. Feel truly grateful whenever the fact that the narcissist no longer controls you washes over you anew.
Fulfillment will exponentially grow over time the longer you sustain no contact. Soon, not just months but years narcissist-free awaits filled with promise rather than abuse.
In Conclusion
Going no contact with a narcissist qualifies as both totally necessary and extraordinarily tough. However, no contact serves as the absolute best pathway to remove narcissistic abuse from your life once and for all.
Progress indeed demands you withstand extinction bursts, flying monkeys and your own nostalgia triggered by the narcissist periodically poking at your boundaries even years later.
But enduring the short-term pain leads to the long-term gain of reclaiming authority over how you want to live moving forward. No contact lets you rebuild self-confidence crushed during narcissistic abuse and nurture relationships that bring out your best self rather than worst self.
Commit fully to the no contact plan best fit for your situation. Embrace masters-level boundary management. And most importantly, know with deep sincerity that you deserve so much better than narcissists and their psychological brutality. Free yourself through no contact once and for all.