As a dating coach with over 10 years of experience, I‘ve seen countless guys struggle when it comes to texting women. They‘ll get a girl‘s number, then have no idea how to actually spark her interest over text and transition from messaging to a real-life date.
But texting doesn‘t have to be frustrating and confusing. Follow these 3 essential rules adapted from psychological research, and you‘ll have her eagerly awaiting your messages.
Be Concise: Shorter is Better
Keep your texts to girls short, direct and impactful. According to a study published in the journal Mobile Media & Communication, longer messages received shorter replies across over 500,000 text conversations analyzed.
Why? Text walls come across as needy and overwhelm people. You‘re communicating that you‘ll invest way more effort than she likely will.
Instead, be concise and get your point across in as few words as possible. This keeps the conversation tight, focused and purposeful. She‘ll appreciate you clearly communicating your intent while respecting her time.
Bad example:
"Wow it‘s awesome you‘re into hiking! Getting outside into nature is so beneficial for your physical and mental health. I try to hike as often as I can to de-stress and get exercise. There are some really great trails with beautiful views around here that we should check out together! Maybe we could go hiking this weekend if you‘re free? I‘d love to see you again and continue getting to know each other better while doing an activity we both enjoy!"
Good example:
"I know the best local hiking spots with gorgeous views. Let‘s check one out this Saturday!"
See the difference? My concise message communicates the key information she needs while sparking curiosity. Writing paragraphs overwhelms her with excessive words that diminish my masculine vibe.
According to research from social psychologist Dr. Robert Cialdini, people are more persuaded by messages using simple language versus complex wording. So be clear and direct with your texts. She‘ll find concise communication confident and attractive.
Have a Purpose Behind Each Text
Too many guys text women just for the sake of texting, without any real intent or direction. They‘ll send random comments, pointless questions and reactions just to fill dead air and keep the conversation going.
Don‘t fall into this reactive trap. Have a deliberate purpose and intent driving every text you send a girl. Before hitting send, know exactly what you want to achieve from each message.
If you can‘t quickly state your purpose, don‘t text her. Move the conversation forward intentionally, not just for its own sake.
Your purpose could be to:
- Spark her emotions
- Continue an inside joke
- Get her opinion on something fun
- Share an interesting experience
- Guide things towards meeting up again
Ever get a message from a girl that just says "haha" or "nice"? Frustrating right? Her texts have no point. She‘s just responding to respond. Refusing to engage in these empty conversations screens for genuine interest.
Dr. Theresa DiDonato, relationship expert from Loyola University, agrees that texting with clearly defined goals is key:
"It’s best to use texting to make plans, share information, or continue an inside joke – not to chat endlessly. When texting a girl, ask yourself: What’s my purpose here? Then act on that purpose in a concise yet compelling way through your words.”
Text her with the deliberate intent of building rapport, creating comfort or guiding the interaction towards meeting in person. Every message should have a mission that achieves one of those attraction-building goals.
Be Patient When Texting Girls
Patience is a vital skill when texting girls you want to date. Being overeager and responding instantly every time she texts you demonstrates neediness and turns women off.
You shouldn‘t always text back immediately even if you‘re available. Don‘t just sit by your phone waiting for her messages. Create healthy space by intentionally delaying responding for a certain time, anywhere from 30 minutes up to a few hours.
This anticipation builds attraction. According to the scarcity principle from Cialdini’s seminal influence work Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, people assign greater value to things that are difficult to possess or obtain.
By responding in a scarce, patient fashion instead of constantly being available, you communicate high social market value. She‘ll wonder about you during the uncertain gaps waiting for your replies:
"Hmm…why didn‘t he text me back yet? Did I say something wrong?"
This intrigue subconsciously sparks her investment and attraction, while preventing you from getting stuck in long conversations that go nowhere. Don‘t be so quick and available over text. Mix in strategic patient delays to keep her wanting more.
In fact, one of the most powerful things a girl can text you is nothing at all. When she suddenly stops replying out of the blue, it hits your ego hard like a slot machine reinforcement schedule. You‘ll obsess over what you did wrong. This viral curiosity makes you desire her more strongly.
Use this same texting principle to your advantage. I recently met a girl who agreed to meet up for coffee on Monday. But then Sunday night she texted:
"Hey! Super busy day tomorrow. Mind if I check my schedule and get back to you on grabbing that coffee?"
Essentially she‘s rescinding our plans. But notice she didn‘t unmatch me or say no completely. However, I don‘t know if she‘ll actually follow through rescheduling later.
My response? Nothing at all yet. Making her question why I didn‘t reply builds attraction better than reacting too fast. Had I instead instantly said "No problem at all!" it would‘ve conveyed over-eagerness and decreased my odds of meeting up.
Additional Tips on Texting Girls Successfully
Here are some other quick-hit texting tips to boost your conversations with women:
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Use callback humor by referencing inside jokes you initially created together. This builds comfort through shared memories.
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Ask open-ended questions that spark emotional, invested answers like: "what’s your crazy zoo escape story?" Avoid yes/no questions.
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Tease her playfully to add sexual tension and spice. But don’t overdo it.
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Avoid texting back and forth excessively. Focus on seamlessly guiding things towards setting up the next date in person. Getting to know her better face-to-face is the goal.
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If she keeps hesitating on meeting up or stops responding altogether, move on. She likely felt some initial connection, but then lost interest for whatever reason. You can’t force chemistry that just isn’t there by over-texting.
The Science Behind Why These Texting Rules Work
Now that you know the 3 key rules for effectively texting girls (being concise, purposeful and patient)…let‘s explore why these simple principles work so well scientifically.
Human psychology evolved over millions of years in a tribal, face-to-face environment. Our brains developed to communicate primarily through speech and in-person interaction.
Texting using mobile devices has only become prominent in the last 15 years. That means neurologically, we haven‘t had enough time to adapt to this modern smartphone communication format.
Therefore, text conversations that resemble our evolutionary past by being brief, clear and spaced out interpsersed with real-life meetups spark more attraction and dating success. Messaging strategies that diverge wildly from our ancestral norms get rejected as “too much” very quickly.
Think about it – long written declarations of affection to strangers and instant 24/7 digital availability would both be complete overkill behaviors in a traditional verbal courtship context.
This explains why being concise, purposeful and patient over text aligns with our human instincts, keeping initial attraction high versus chasing women away by breaking deep-seated psychological expectations.
Transitioning From Texting to Dates
Text game is pointless unless it ultimately leads to dating in person. So once you’ve built initial rapport and intrigue with a girl through text, quickly get her on a real life date.
Here are proven ways I teach coaching clients to smoothly escalate text conversations into meetups:
1. Use Time Constraints
After some light banter, give her next-action timing urgency like:
"Gotta run but I’m free for dinner tomorrow night. You in?"
This frames you as a bold, high-value guy with an active social calendar she needs to secure time with. It also prevents getting caught in long chatty conversations leading nowhere.
2. Go For The Instant Date
If logistics allow, go straight for meeting up ASAP by text, like:
“I’m craving that new ramen place down the street right now. Meet me there in 20 minutes.”
This spontaneous instant date frames her as your girlfriend already. The excitement and social proof often gets a "yes."
3. Ask Leading Questions
Spark her vision of fun future activities together:
“Would you rather go to the Italian place downtown or check out the new rooftop bar?”
She commits to hanging out by picking one. Then easily transition into confirming plans.
In Summary
Texting without strategy gets you nowhere. But apply these 3 basic rules adapted from scientific principles of psychology:
- Be Concise
- Have a Purpose
- Be Patient
Suddenly, you‘ll stand out from other guys blowing up her phone. She‘ll crave your messages instead of ignore them.
Then bridge that connection into real world dates ASAP. Don’t just text endlessly hoping she’ll someday agree to meet up. Drive each conversation towards plans using the tactics above like time constraints and leading questions.
If you follow these evidence-based tips on texting girls, your messages will spark eager interest rather than endless small talk or ghosting. Master this crucial phase of courtship success and enjoy more smooth escalations from getting her number…to winning dates.