Narcissistic personality disorder is a challenging condition marked by grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Relationships with narcissists often become toxic and harmful. It‘s understandable to feel angry and want to fight back against behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting and emotional abuse. However, reacting in kind typically backfires by feeding the narcissistic supply and sinking to their level.
Take the High Road
Rather than plotting to panic and intimidate the narcissist, which risks becoming abusive yourself, consider taking the high road. This means responding with maturity, grace and respect – even if the narcissist does not deserve it. Set an example while also establishing boundaries.
Martin Luther King Jr. wisely stated: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." The same applies for dealing with narcissists.
Strategies for Coping
Here are proactive, ethical strategies to help cope with narcissists without sacrificing integrity:
Understand Narcissistic Behaviors
Educate yourself about the common behaviors exhibited by narcissists through reputable psychoeducation sources. Recognizing their playbook makes it easier to understand their mindgames are about their disorder, not a reflection on you.
Some key traits are:
- Sense of grandiosity and self-importance
- Need for constant, excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement and disregard for others‘ needs
- Envy of others and belief others envy them
- Arrogant, haughty attitudes and behaviors
- Lack of empathy
Set Clear Boundaries
Clarify exactly what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from the narcissist. State clearly what the consequences will be for boundary violations, such as reduced contact. Follow through consistently to condition new expectations.
For example, if the narcissist regularly interrupts when you speak, tell them clearly that behavior does not work for you. If they continue interrupting, get up and leave the room. Repeat this pattern until they learn to have discussions respectfully.
Stay calm and detached rather than emotional. Narcissists want drama and extreme reactions. Your calm presence communicates that their tactics no longer yield their desired outcomes.
Seek Validation from Healthy Sources
Narcissists make their victims feel isolated and insecure through undermining behaviors. The antidote is finding validation from healthy, grounded people who appreciate you. Spend more time with supportive friends and family who are not manipulated by the narcissist‘s distortions.
Self-validation is also crucial. Keep a journal to record incidents of narcissistic abuse and catalog your own positive qualities and truths. Refer back to it when you start internalizing the narcissist‘s projections.
Limit Contact
It is often impossible to cut contact completely with narcissists due to family or work obligations. However, keep interactions brief and centered around necessities. Politely decline social invitations and extra time beyond what is absolutely required.
Set communication boundaries too. Ignore antagonistic texts or emails. Script benign responses like "I‘m not available to discuss this further, but thank you for understanding."
The less you feed into the narcissist‘s games, the less satisfaction they derive. Their tactics only work if you over-invest time and attention.
Seek Professional Help
A counselor or therapist well-versed in narcissistic abuse can provide invaluable support. Having an empathetic third party validate your experiences and give coping strategies tailored to your situation makes a tremendous difference.
Many communities now have support groups for survivors of narcissism as well. Connecting with others who went through similar dynamics helps counter the isolation narcissists create. It also reminds you that you are not alone or crazy in the face of such mistreatment.
Refocus on Your Growth
Make the relationship with yourself your top priority rather than trying to change or panic the narcissist. Detach from their drama and pour your energy into self-development pursuits that bring you joy and peace. Starve them of supply while you thrive independently.
Activities like yoga, volunteering and taking educational courses help bolster confidence, expand social connections and cultivate a richer identity. When you are fulfilled on your own terms, the narcissist loses relevance and power over your emotions.
Stay vigilant against narcissistic manipulation. But rather than plotting revenge, channel your power into living well – with compassion for yourself and others. This disarms their abusive tactics while helping you heal and move forward.