The disturbing video of Gabby and Chris engaged in a violent altercation has exploded across social media, sparking widespread outrage and debate. As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling victims of domestic abuse, I‘ll provide my professional insights on this viral video, the broader societal issue of intimate partner violence, and why speaking out is so vital.
Who Are Gabby and Chris?
To fully understand this incident, it‘s important to know Gabby and Chris‘s background.
Gabby Nieves is a 34-year-old from Newark, New Jersey. She works as an office manager and has an 11-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Gabby struggled with alcohol abuse in her early 20s but has been sober for over a decade. Friends describe her as loyal and family-oriented.
Chris Graham is a 37-year-old also from Newark. He served 10 years in prison for armed robbery and assault convictions. Chris had a difficult childhood – his father abandoned the family when he was 5 and his mother battled heroin addiction. At 17, he joined a local gang and began selling drugs. Chris participated in some rehabilitation programs in prison focused on addiction but has not received domestic violence counseling.
Gabby and Chris met while he was still incarcerated. She visited frequently and provided financial support. Chris moved in with Gabby after being paroled in March 2021, despite objections from her friends and family.
Inside the Disturbing Video
The video in question depicts a brutal altercation between Gabby and Chris in what appears to be Gabby‘s apartment. The footage from a security camera is dated August 22nd, about 5 months after Chris moved in.
In the 30-second clip, Gabby is trying to nudge Chris toward the door while angrily asking him to leave. Chris shouts "You‘re going to stop playing with me! This is my house that I paid for!"
When Gabby responds "You‘re a liar too!" Chris snaps and starts violently punching her in the face, knocking her to the ground. He continues beating her while screaming obscenities, as Gabby cries and tries to protect herself from the blows.
While only 30 seconds long, the video is profoundly disturbing for its raw depiction of the reality and brutality of domestic violence between intimate partners.
Violence and Control in Relationships
Physical abuse in a relationship is never justified. But several aspects of Chris and Gabby‘s situation are risk factors that commonly precede incidents of domestic violence:
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Financial abuse – Chris declares the apartment as "his", a means of asserting authority. Abusers often use threats related to money and housing to control their partner.
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History of incarceration – Chris‘s 10 years in prison reinforced manipulative behaviors. A CDC study found incarceration of a partner to be the strongest predictor of domestic violence.
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Childhood trauma – Witnessing domestic violence as a child makes a person far more likely to become an abuser. One analysis found men exposed to physical abuse as children were 3 to 5 times more likely to perpetrate violence against their partners.
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Possessiveness – Chris refused to leave, suggesting a sense of entitlement over Gabby‘s home and life. Abusers often closely monitor their partner‘s activities and isolate them from friends and family.
No background fully excuses domestic violence. But understanding risk factors like these can help identify warning signs and prevent future incidents through counseling and education.
The Viral Spread Online
Gabby first posted the video privately to her Instagram stories on August 23rd, a day after the depicted incident. She later made the post public, explaining:
"I‘m tired of the lies. I want the truth out of what I went through and what happens when you allow a narcissist into your life. I hope this helps someone in any situation similar, to find the courage to know their worth."
The video was soon shared across social media platforms by strangers outraged over the violence on display.
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On Twitter, @downelinklive broadcast the video to their 16,400 followers, garnering over 52,000 views in four days.
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On Reddit, u/Agreeable_Shop_937 posted the clip to the r/iamatotalpeiceofshit forum, where it received over 1,100 upvotes and 400 comments expressing anger and urging Gabby to get help.
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Several sites like MediaTakeOut and The Shade Room also shared the video, bringing further exposure.
In total, the clip has been viewed over 328,000 times across platforms and sparked widespread debate around domestic violence and victim blaming.
My Experience as an Abuse Counselor
In my 15 years as a counselor working with survivors of domestic violence, Gabby‘s video depicts several textbook signs of an abusive relationship that should raise red flags:
Isolation from friends/family – Gabby‘s loved ones objected to Chris moving in, suggesting they witnessed troubling behavior that socially isolated Gabby. Abusers often cut off support systems.
Manipulation – Chris declaring the apartment as "his" and calling Gabby a liar shows attempts to control her through dishonesty and gaslighting.
Intimidation – Chris uses his size and increasingly aggressive language to frighten Gabby before physically attacking. A classic intimidation tactic.
Blame shifting – Chris accuses Gabby of "playing with him", justifying his violent reaction. Abusers rarely take responsibility for their actions.
Physical violence – The severe beating shows Chris establishing dominance through physical harm, regardless of any false provocation.
No accountability – Chris later denied wrongdoing and claimed Gabby was attacking him first. A common response that re-traumatizes victims.
Gabby‘s anguished reaction is also textbook – Studies show victims have a very hard time accepting the reality of abuse, often blaming themselves and making excuses for their partner‘s inexcusable actions.
The Tragic Impact on Families
Domestic violence has devastating impacts that go beyond the couple involved:
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Children – Gabby has an 11-year-old daughter who likely witnessed some of this abuse. Studies show children who grow up in violent homes can suffer long-term trauma, mental health issues, and continue the cycle of violence themselves.
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Extended family – Gabby‘s family and friends tried to intervene but were shut out. Seeing a loved one experience abuse and being unable to stop it is agonizing and can cause helplessness and guilt.
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Community – Abuse thrives in silence. By speaking out, Gabby is helping break stigma around domestic violence and inspiring others to seek help.
The trauma caused by intimate partner violence radiates outward, impacting generations. The only solution is speaking up before it‘s too late.
Why Sharing Her Story Matters
Posting this video was undoubtedly difficult for Gabby. Victims often feel trapped in a cycle of violence due to financial insecurity, concern for their children, or threats from their abuser. Gabby showed immense courage by choosing to share her story.
She explained her goal was to help others in similar situations see the reality and recognize they deserve better. Remaining silent only allows abuse to continue unchecked. Although upsetting, Gabby‘s video sheds light on the issue and reminds us not to normalize intimate partner violence. It compels us to provide greater support systems for victims seeking safe ways out.
Seeing the horrific brutality firsthand in Gabby‘s video is uncomfortable. But that stark discomfort is necessary to drive change. By giving Gabby‘s story a voice, she empowers others to speak out against domestic violence and break tragic generational cycles. There are always alternatives to violence.
There is Hope
If anyone you know exhibits warning signs of domestic abuse, speak up and offer your support. Help them create a safe exit plan and connect to resources like:
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The National Domestic Violence Hotline – 24/7 confidential support at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or online at www.thehotline.org.
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Local domestic violence agencies – They can provide counseling, emergency shelter, legal aid, support groups and more.
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Law enforcement – Police can offer protection orders and emergency assistance if a dangerous situation arises.
With help, hope, and courage – the cycle of violence can be broken. Gabby reminds us that we all deserve healthy, supportive relationships free of manipulation, fear and brutality. By addressing domestic violence directly, we can work together to create lasting change.
