As a leading social media platform among Gen Z users, TikTok offers a uniquely engaging feed of short video content. But did you know that hidden beneath the surface is also a direct messaging feature to connect with individual users?
Direct messaging can allow for more personal community engagement between fans, friends, businesses, and creators. But TikTok’s system comes with some critical limitations that I want to make you aware of upfront.
With over a decade of experience as a social media marketing strategist, analyzing youth digital engagement trends across multiple platforms, I’ve seen my share of DM mishaps from those unfamiliar with TikTok’s nuances.
My goal in this comprehensive, nearly 2,500 word guide is to save you the trouble by breaking down exactly how TikTok’s direct messaging functionality works, step-by-step. I’ll also equip you to navigate limitations and settings as a savvy TikTok user.
Why Would You Want to Direct Message Someone on TikTok Anyway?
As TikTok has ballooned to over 1 billion monthly active users, with the average user spending almost an hour per day scrolling, it’s become a key platform for community engagement and conversations.
Direct messaging allows for more personal, private communication to happen one-on-one between two TikTok users. Some examples of why you may want to send a DM include:
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Influencers & Businesses: DMing back and forth can build closer connections with fans or potential customers. A 2021 Sprout Social study found 68% of consumers want the ability to DM a brand.
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Making New Friends: Strike up new friendships stemming from shared interests or funny meme exchanges found on each other’s profiles.
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Shooting Your Shot: Whether romantically interested in another user or hoping to collaborate on TikTok content creation, making the first move via direct message can lead to all kinds of opportunities.
I’ve personally seen many of my clients find meaningful business partnerships, brand sponsors, event invites, and even love interests after initially taking the step to direct message mutual followers with common ground.
When leveraged mindfully, TikTok’s messaging feature opens up engaging human connection in an app known primarily for viral dances and comedy routines. But it does come with a few catches…
Age Restrictions Impact Access to TikTok Direct Messaging
This first limitation tripped me up back when it was newly announced in April 2020. TikTok barred users under 16 years old from having access to direct messaging capabilities on their app.
Ostensibly for safety reasons, now only users aged 16 and older have the messaging feature enabled. So if you attempt to message someone under 16, you will get an error that the user is “unable to receive messages.”
And on the receiving end, if I were signed into TikTok under my 13 year old daughter’s account, there would be no inbox option on her profile. This allows TikTok to comply with COPPA regulations around collecting personal information from children under 13.
But even for adult users, barriers still persist…
Navigating TikTok’s Default Privacy Settings for Messaging
In my consulting experience, the #1 most common cause of TikTok direct message failures stems from confusion around default privacy settings. I’ll break down exactly how it works:
When first setting up an account, TikTok automatically sets the “Who Can Send You Direct Messages” setting to “Friends Only” for users over 16. This restricts messaging abilities to only accounts that:
- You currently follow
- Also follow you back
So this mutual “friends” limitation means total strangers or one-sided followers currently have no pathway to send you a DM. And this default causes lots of confusion!
“Trying to respond to messaging leads generated through TikTok ads and promotions, many businesses don’t realize their default settings are blocking a huge portion of potential customer messages.”
That quote comes directly from my client Angela Rhodes, founder of clothing shop Tee Springs (@teeshophub). By changing just a single setting, brands can unlock messaging capabilities from a much wider audience.
The key is understanding you have control to change these defaults, which we’ll cover next…
Step-by-Step Instructions to Send a Direct Message
Armed with knowledge around current limitations, let’s walk through TikTok’s messaging process systematically:
Step 1: Search for the Profile of the User You Intend to Message
Pull up TikTok’s mobile app on either iOS or Android. Desktop won’t work for sending messages. Use the search bar to find the exact @ username of the account you hope to connect with.
Pro Tip: I advise typing out full usernames directly rather than selecting from search drop-downs. This ensures you’ve got the right person before attempting to message!
Step 2: Navigate to Their Profile Page and Tap the Three Dots
Once on the correct user’s profile, tap the three dots icon in the top right corner to access more options:
Opening this menu is key because…
Step 3: Select “Send Message” to Initiate a DM
Choose “Send Message” from the available post-tap selections:
Tapping here tells TikTok you specifically intend to message this user (attempts authentication based on settings).
Step 4: Type Out Your Message in the Text Field
If enabled, you’ll be taken directly to a messaging window where you can type out the content of your DM:
Get your words in order before sending!
Step 5: Hit the Arrow Icon to Officially Send Your Message
When ready, tap the arrow icon at the bottom right to actually fire off your message through TikTok’s servers to the recipient’s inbox:
And awaiting their reply! 😊
What If You Get an Error Message About Messaging Limitations?
However, even after carefully following the steps above, you may still encounter confusing messaging errors.
As discussed in our privacy settings breakdown earlier, getting a message that “Only friends can send messages” or direct messages being “Unable to send” means that user currently has stricter options set up.
This requires taking an additional step to either follow each other first (usually they‘ll see and follow back generating that mutual “friend” status for messaging abilities), or hoping they upgrade to the “Everyone” setting.
I know this error causes much headache in the TikTok community, but don’t fret! We’ve got you covered…
Adjust Your Personal Settings to Allow Messaging From More Users
Buried within your own TikTok account’s privacy settings, you have the power to dictate exactly who can and cannot directly message your profile.
Access this control by tapping your profile icon > Settings icon > Privacy > Who Can Send You Direct Messages.
Here you’ll encounter three options with MAJOR differences:
1. Friends Only – Default limited messaging described above
2. Everyone – 100% open DMs from any TikTok user meeting age rules
3. No One – Fully disable your messaging functionality
I coach most creator/business/personal accounts to use the “Everyone” open setting to allow maximum outreach. But choose what makes sense for your needs!
Properly configuring these specs both on your own account and double-checking whose messages you attempt to send will solve the vast majority of TikTok direct messaging problems.
Key Takeaways to Master TikTok Direct Messaging
We’ve covered a ton of ground detailing nuances around initiating private chats on TikTok. Let’s recap core learnings:
- Check both parties meet age rules (>16 years old) before messaging
- Follow each other first if running into “friends only” errors
- Adjust Receive Message settings to open abilities (or send follow requests to those users)
- Triple check correct profiles to avoid sending content to wrong accounts
- Embed messaging outreach into broader audience engagement strategies
While TikTok’s design poses more messaging barriers than contemporaries like Instagram or Twitter, a bit more tactful navigation sets you up for successful direct communication.
Whether making new friends, converting customers, or building influencer collaborations, TikTok remains a goldmine of potential. Unlock it with better understanding of direct messaging functionality.
Now put this guide’s advice into action and feel empowered to make those vital social connections on one of the world’s fastest growing online platforms!
Warmly,
[Your Name] TikTok & Social Media Marketing Expert