Dealing with Ghosting in Online Gaming: Prioritizing Self-Worth and Reducing Toxicity
As an avid gamer, few things sting more than getting ghosted by a teammate or friend you once played with regularly. One day they‘re chatting with you about game strategies, the next they‘ve removed you from their friends list and won‘t respond to any party invites.
Getting ghosted in the middle of a multiplayer game breeds confusion and self-doubt – you‘re left questioning if you did something wrong or if they simply lost interest. Unfortunately ghosting has become increasingly pervasive, especially among online gaming connections where physical proximity and accountability is limited.
According to a 2022 study surveying over 1,500 gamers, nearly 60% reported getting ghosted by fellow gamers they considered friends and teammates. Of those ghosted, 89% said it negatively impacted their overall social experience and 72% reduced their time playing afterward.
Clearly, ghosting constitutes more than just a minor annoyance – it‘s a toxic behavior that signals disrespect and emotional immaturity. It erodes self-worth and enables further mistreatment. Just because it’s an online space doesn’t justify ghosting or mean real damage isn’t done. Prioritizing healthy boundaries and reducing toxicity must include taking a stand against ghosting.
The Psychology Behind Ghosting in Gaming
While ghosting occurs across contexts, certain factors make the practice particularly prevalent and hurtful in online gaming:
Anonymity – Not interacting face-to-face makes it easier to ditch people suddenly without confronting emotions. Ghosters can more easily avoid accountability for their actions.
Disposability – With endless multiplayer lobbies and discord servers to join, some gamers adopt the mentality that members are easily replaceable. This discourages meaningful connections.
Fear of Conflict – Non-confrontational gamers may resort to ghosting teammates rather than directly addressing interpersonal issues, disagreements over play style, or wanting space.
Passive Aggression – Some ghosters weaponize silence as a power play to punish others. Deleting and ignoring gamer “friends” who they feel slighted by exerts control.
Regardless the motive, ghosting among gamers almost always stems from lack of emotional maturity and poor communication skills. The party getting ghosted suffers most of the hurt feelings.
Mia, 25 and an avid Valorant streamer, recalls getting ghosted by a duo partner she played with for over 6 months:
“We were both really dedicated, played 3-4 times a week together. He was fun to strategize with. Then one week he just…stopped responding. Wouldn’t join the party chat. Left me in the dark. I worried what I did wrong before eventually getting angry. Now I have trust issues teaming up with any newer players. I still think about those unanswered questions all the time.”
The Effects of Getting Ghosted as a Gamer
Getting ghosted ignites emotional whiplash, especially by a teammate you bonded with and came to rely on regularly. Some common impacts include:
- Plummeting confidence and self-blame
- Increased hesitation to trust future teammates
- Feelings of rejection and loss
- Obsessive fixation on the friendship and what went wrong
- Withdrawing from playing/gaming communities
This distress often motivates people to try re-connecting with the ghoster at any cost. But as brutal as ghosting feels in the moment, re-engaging those who treat others as disposable only enables further disrespect.
Upholding Self-Worth After Ghosting
While ghosting hurts, don’t internalize another person’s callousness as proof of your worthiness. A teammate abruptly leaving reflects far more on their own emotional immaturity than any inadequacy of yours as a player or person. Still, resisting the urge to self-blame entirely takes practice.
Here’s how to prioritize self-care while upholding personal standards after getting ghosted:
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Take a gaming sabbatical if needed. Don’t force yourself to jump into playing if feeling raw or rejected. Give yourself space to process the loss of social connection.
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When ready to play again, set firm boundaries around effort and communication. Articulate what respectful teaming dynamics mean for you moving forward. Don’t settle for less.
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Build connections intentionally in positive gaming communities that align with your values around healthy collaboration. Make friends first rather than focusing solely on competitive achievement.
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Limit interactions with known ghosters later reaching out to play again. Demand changed behavior before trusting them as a teammate. Require accountability.
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Take mini self-confidence breaks during play sessions rather than grinding endlessly. Remind yourself of past successes and your strengths as a player.
Repeat this self-care ritual as often as needed, especially when you encounter toxicity or emotional manipulation in teammates. Shut down the first inkling of self-blame swiftly. If a team doesn’t appreciate you, shake it off and find one that does.
Seeking Closure After Ghosting
Unlike friendships in the physical world, ghosting in online gaming often lacks concrete finality. You may never uncover exactly why someone disappeared abruptly. The lack of answers tends to obsess those abandoned even more.
But much as we may crave an explanation, pursuing closure from those who so easily discarded you grants them further power. Make peace instead with the silent void left behind, even if that means accepting lingering disappointment.
Of course, letting go hardly feels natural, especially initially. When ghosted by a teammate you cared for, you’ll likely fluctuate between rage and pleading for another chance. Wistfully hoping they might reappear in your notifications can persist for weeks or months after.
Here are some tactics to avoid falling down the rabbit hole of pining for closure:
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Resist fixating on the lifeline “maybe they’ll message someday” since this inhibits forward movement. Assume their disappearance is permanent and begin grieving.
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Delete old message threads to reduce temptation to analyze them for clues. Remove them from friends lists and gaming platform contacts.
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When memories resurface, intentionally redirect your thoughts rather than obsessing over what-ifs. Bring yourself back into the present.
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Fill newly free time with activities unrelated to gaming like learning music, exercising, catching up with old friends.
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Pour your energy into developing deeper connections with those who show up for you consistently, not just when convenient.
Taking a Stand Against Ghosting
Getting ghosted leaves you feeling invisible, insignificant and deeply confused. But your worth isn’t defined by those who failed to appreciate your value. Take time to heal, then get back in the game.
Of course, demanding better requires taking an active stand too. Consider implementing accountability procedures among your regular stacks and friend groups:
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Agree to ground rules early on around communication expectations if someone needs a break or space for a period.
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Check in if someone seems suddenly distant and offer non-judgmental support.
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Discuss respectful ways to resolve conflict directly if gameplay issues emerge rather than letting tensions boil over.
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Reinforce the importance of healthy team dynamics for performance, reminding all valuable members deserve to feel valued.
Advocating for more conscientious online gaming cultures reduces ghosting gradually. And exposure to emotionally mature players will inspire others still developing those skills. Lead by example through your own behaviors first, then encourage accountability procedures in communities you care about.
Prioritize Self-Worth, Not Toxic Players
At the end of the day, online or off, no one deserves access to your time and energy without mutual care, effort and communication in return. Ghosting signals someone’s inability to offer basic decency and respect, especially abandonment without explanation.
While the trend may be rampant, refusing to tolerate emotional immaturity is the only way to shift gaming culture. Players must join forces to establish higher standards around healthy relating at all levels of play.
Uphold your sense of self-worth fiercely, even when it means letting go of once meaningful friendships that turned one-sided. Expect and accept nothing less than you deserve. The true ride-or-die teammates will prove themselves over time. Unfollow, unfriend and block without hesitation those who exploit your caring.
Promoting healthy relating and standing against toxicity in gaming is intertwined. With empowered, discerning players leading the uprising and voting indifferently with their controllers, real change can happen.