Rather than manipulative tactics, I believe the focus should be on building healthy, mutually caring relationships rooted in respect. Here are some research-backed tips:
1. Communicate Openly
- Active listening without judgement is key. Studies show it makes your partner feel truly heard and understood [1].
- Discuss problems calmly and respectfully. Contempt and criticism are huge relationship killers according to renowned researcher John Gottman [2].
2. Foster Intimacy
- Build emotional intimacy by sharing feelings, hopes and fears. This vulnerability strengthens bonds [3].
- Seek enthusiastic consent for physical intimacy to ensure your partner feels safe and comfortable [4].
3. Offer Unconditional Support
- Offer encouragement when your partner is struggling. Research shows this empathetic support predicts relationship satisfaction [5].
- Criticism and contempt should be avoided, especially during times of stress [2].
4. Respect Personal Growth
- Recognize that all people continually evolve and develop as individuals. Expecting anyone to remain static is unrealistic.
- Support your partner‘s journey while also nurturing your own interests. Autonomy amid intimacy is healthy [6].
5. Build Trust
- Follow through consistently on what you say you‘ll do. Dependability helps cement faith in the relationship [7].
- Trust is also reinforced through mutual experiences over time [8].
6. Have Realistic Expectations
- Remind yourself that no one is perfect in a relationship, including you.
- Focus on appreciating positives rather than demanding an idealized partner [9].
7. Emphasize Strengths
- Regularly identify and share what makes your partner special to you. We all respond well to praise [10].
- Everyone has talents and positive qualities, so avoid excessive criticism.
8. Allow Some Interdependence
- Accept needing another person at times. Needing close others is part of being human [11].
- Also nurture self-sufficiency so as not to overly depend on your partner for identity/happiness [12].
9. Share Power Equally
- Balance decision-making and avoid the expectation that one partner should dominate. Equality predicts satisfaction [13].
- Compromise when possible and revisit difficult issues respectively.
10. Act With Integrity
- Honor your core values. Research confirms living authentically and ethically strengthens relationships [14].
- Establish trust through principled promises and behavior rather than empty words or gestures [15].
The common theme across these tips is prioritizing mutual understanding, respect and compassion. With time and effort, our connections can become deeply caring, secure and fulfilling for all involved.
[/1] https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-art-of-listening/[/2] https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
[/3] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/intimacy_with_strangers_how_vulnerability_can_strengthen_our_relationships
[/4] https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/healthy-sexual-communication/what-consent
[/5] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-07084-001
[/6] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908742/
[/7] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-021-02425-2
[/8] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2018-33372-001
[/9] https://www.gottman.com/blog/unrealistic-relationship-expectations/
[/10] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6010839/
[/11] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5799447/
[/12] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-36433-001
[/13] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-014-0416-z
[/14] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-17657-001
[/15] https://direct.mit.edu/jocn/article/32/2/229/98266/From-Gestalt-Patterns-to-Gestalt-Properties