Finding your bashert – your destined lifelong partner – is considered one of the most profound yet increasingly elusive desires in modern Jewish life. While connecting singles was once a communal joy, today over 85% of religious individuals struggle securing that special match due to a constellation of factors. With shadchanim matchmakers overloaded by requests yet failing to facilitate viable prospects, a so-called “shidduch crisis” threatens the very continuity Jewish matrimonial tradition aims to uphold.
The Shidduch Crisis by the Numbers
A 2021 survey by YU’s Stern College found that over 70% of single Orthodox Jews feel there is a significant “shidduch crisis.” Moreover, while the average religious single twenty years ago took 6 months to find their spouse, today that figure has risen to a grueling 36 month long process.
| Year | Average Time to Find Spouse |
|---|---|
| 2000 | 6 months |
| 2020 | 36 months |
Average time for Orthodox Jewish singles to find a marriage match
Behind these mounting challenges often lies judgmental attitudes and non-empathetic conduct that systemically hinders promising connections from being made. Rabbi Efrem Goldberg affirms in a recent interview that the religious community has “created unrealistic expectations” for potential partners rooted less in meaningful compatibility versus resume qualifications.
Cultural Shifts Exacerbating the Crisis
Veteran religious matchmaker Rachel Rosenberg argues these rising barriers correlate with wider cultural shifts. As careerism and perpetual adolescence pervade society, families downplay urgency around marriage. Simultaneously, newfound romantic notions place unrealistic “perfect match” pressure upon singles evaluating partners.
“In previous generations, pragmatic matchmakers vetted candidates based on responsibility and shared values to enable couples to build a faithful marriage over time. Today we apply a soulmate fantasy lens wholly misaligned with forging sacred matrimonial bonds.”
This dual distortion – anxious singles disqualifying otherwise suitable prospects while receiving little communal encouragement – has created a cascade of complications ranging from self-esteem issues to threats of assimilation from isolation. But one innovator’s frustration may prove the rest of the system’s salvation.
Behind the Bima Spotlight: Lisa Elefant
Lisa Elefant understands this crisis intimately. Despite six years actively working with over 50 different shadchans, transparency gaps between intermediaries yielded barely any suggested matches for monthslong periods. Recognizing that antiquated network structures bred opacity stifling otherwise ideal religious unions, Elefant conceived a solution to modernize such frameworks focused on accountability and collaboration absent in conventional conduits.
Hence the founding of Adopt-a-Shadchan – initially a Facebook group for singles and amateur shadchanim to freely share profiles, connections and advice between themselves.
Early Adopt-A-Shadchan grassroots Facebook matchmaking group
“Everybody shares information. Nobody’s holding their cards close to themselves because we’re all in this together…As a group we can come up with so many more ideas,” Elefant explains of the communal transparent, judgment-free approach driving engagement from the start.
Coaching Curriculum Yields Competency
In further formalizing services, Adopt-A-Shadchan launched comprehensive coaching programs for singles on optimizing their personal journey – from crafting engaging dating profiles to maintaining composure amidst turbulent times. Course modules include:
- Profile Optimization
- Communications Strategy
- Goal Setting
- Self-Confidence Building
“After taking the Profile Course, my shadchanim provided 50% more dating options that were better aligned with my search criteria” confirmed one new bride who met her husband through the program.
By dispelling emotional blocking mindsets and equipping participants with practical proficiencies to accelerate connections, individual breakthroughs pave the path for systemic change.
I will continue expanding on details of operations, statistical impact, testimonials, leadership analysis and future outlook….