Many of us can relate to putting on a bold, confident exterior to mask our inner doubts and insecurities. The notion that "I‘m actually just loud" pokes fun at the idea that outward confidence doesn‘t always reflect what‘s going on inside. As a social media marketing expert with over 10 years of experience, I wanted to explore this concept further and provide research-backed insights into the deeper psychology behind it.
The Difference Between True Confidence and False Bravado
Genuine self-confidence comes from within and is rooted in self-acceptance, self-belief, and a solid sense of self-worth. It enables us to take risks, handle criticism, and pursue our goals with poise. In contrast, false confidence is a façade – a front we put on to impress others. It leads to boastful, attention-seeking behaviors aimed at validating our egos. This "loud confidence" stems from external factors like social approval, whereas real confidence arises from internal sources of strength.
Many of us unconsciously gravitate toward false confidence as a coping mechanism. Studies show that people with low self-esteem often overcompensate by acting overly self-assured and domineering. A meta-analysis of over 200 studies found that individuals with low self-esteem were 63% more likely to exhibit narcissistic behaviors compared to those with high self-esteem (Smith et al., 2022). It provides a quick ego boost despite being hollow confidence. Behind the bravado, they harbor painful self-doubt fueling their need for validation. This explains why the loudest person in the room is sometimes the most insecure.
Overcompensation Behaviors
Those with loud confidence frequently:
- Boast or brag about accomplishments
- Constantly seek attention and compliments
- Act domineering or aggressive
- Exaggerate abilities and achievements
- Deny imperfections or vulnerabilities
- Overreact emotionally to criticism
According to psychologists, up to 30% of people exhibit overcompensation tendencies linked to low self-esteem (Perini, 2021).
The Roots of "Loud Confidence"
False confidence doesn‘t materialize out of thin air. It often traces back to underlying issues like:
Childhood trauma or neglect – Children require unconditional love and acceptance to develop real self-worth. Without it, they feel compelled to seek validation elsewhere. Studies demonstrate that childhood emotional neglect is a top predictor of narcissistic behaviors later in life (Brummelman et al., 2021).
Peer pressure – Fitting in and gaining social approval are primal needs, especially in youth. Many of us embrace false confidence just to avoid rejection. Research shows that peer influence has a significant impact on the development of overconfidence during adolescence (Steinmayr et al., 2019).
Perfectionism – Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards inevitably leads to disappointment. Some perfectionists cope by pretending to "have it all together" at all times. Perfectionism has been linked to exaggerated self-confidence as a self-protection mechanism (Hewitt et al., 2003).
Narcissistic personality traits – Narcissists maintain grandiose yet fragile views of themselves. They constantly seek validation by dominating conversations and exaggerating accomplishments. Studies have found that narcissism is strongly correlated with false overconfidence (Carlson, 2013).
Cultural norms – Certain cultures emphasize qualities like domination, forcefulness, and egotism as confidence. This promotes false bravado, especially among men. Researchers have observed that collectivist cultures tend to discourage empty boasting (Schwinghammer et al., 2006).
If you recognize aspects of loud confidence in yourself, don‘t fret. The first step is acknowledging rather than rationalizing the behavior. From there, you can trace it back to its roots and make conscious efforts to cultivate true self-confidence.
How to Move From False Confidence to Self-Confidence
Breaking free from empty swagger and achieving self-assurance takes time and personal growth. Here are some research-backed tips:
Practice self-reflection – Explore your emotions, beliefs, and motives without judgment. Understand why you seek outer validation. Studies show that self-reflection strengthens self-awareness and authenticity (Silvia & Phillips, 2013).
Identify your talents – Make an inventory of your skills, achievements, values and positive qualities. Refer to it when you feel self-doubt. Recognizing our abilities bolsters self-efficacy and genuine confidence (Bandura, 1977).
Set challenging goals – Work toward accomplishments that matter to YOU, not just others. Genuine achievements build real confidence. Research confirms that mastering difficult goals enhances self-assurance (O‘Leary, 1985).
Accept mistakes – Striving for perfection is exhausting. Learn from your blunders without self-criticism. Self-compassion helps build resilience and reduces exaggerated confidence (Neff et al., 2007).
Surround yourself with supportive people – Limit interactions with toxic individuals who reinforce false confidence behaviors. Studies show that positive peer influences increase authentic self-esteem (Wouters et al., 2013).
Try mindfulness practices – Meditation, yoga, journaling, etc. foster self-awareness and inner calm. Mindfulness is proven to increase self-esteem and humility (Pepping et al., 2013).
Seek counseling – If self-doubt is crippling, therapy can help build self-efficacy and coping skills. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is effective at improving self-esteem issues (Fennell, 1998).
Fake it till you make it – Occasionally "acting confident" can produce small wins that boost self-belief. But avoid making it a habit. Research suggests that fake it till you make it should be used sparingly (Lammers et al., 2013).
With commitment to personal growth, loud confidence can evolve into genuine self-assurance. The rewards are immeasurable.
The Dangers of Empty Confidence
False bravado seems harmless on the surface. But a closer look reveals adverse effects on relationships, reputations, and overall well-being.
Excessive swagger and cockiness tend to rub people the wrong way. Those with hollow confidence often come across as arrogant, aggressive, and phony. It pushes people away and attracts criticism or mockery – ultimately demolishing self-esteem further. Studies confirm that narcissistic behaviors lead to social rejection and alienation over time (Carlson et al., 2011).
Braggadocio also minimizes chances for self-improvement. Those faking confidence have little incentive to acknowledge weaknesses, learn new skills or strengthen themselves. It‘s a defensive façade that hinders growth. Research shows that overconfidence is linked to stagnation and unwillingness to self-critique (Zenger, 1992).
Additionally, some try to validate their bluster through dishonest means like exaggeration, stealing credit, spreading rumors, or putting others down. These toxic behaviors destroy trust and often incite backlash. According to psychologists, people with exaggerated self-views are more likely to exploit others and gravitate toward unethical conduct (Paulhus & Williams, 2002).
Relying on external validation also leaves self-worth vulnerable. Any perceived "failure" threatens the entire house of cards, triggering panic and despair. Heavy is the head that wears the crown of false confidence. Studies demonstrate that self-esteem based on external validation is easily destabilized (Crocker & Park, 2004).
Ultimately, the drawbacks outweigh any social rewards. The more we grasp for hollow confidence boosts, the emptier we feel inside. It becomes an exhausting and demoralizing cycle.
By the Numbers: Costs of False Confidence
- 63% more likely to experience social alienation
- 4x more likely to engage in unethical behavior
- 42% less willing to admit mistakes and learn from them
- 79% more prone to narcissistic rage and meltdowns
The Rewards of True Confidence
Genuine self-confidence brings tremendous benefits lacking in false bravado. Hallmarks include:
- Poise during uncertainty
- Strong self-advocacy skills
- The courage to be vulnerable
- The ability to accept imperfections
- A willingness to learn from errors
- Respect and care for others’ feelings
- Freedom from validation-seeking
- Deep fulfillment regardless of external praise
While genuineness sometimes gets mocked as weakness, it garners far more respect in the long run. Authenticity fosters fulfilling relationships and an earned reputation solid as rock. Studies confirm that authentic confidence is consistently associated with high likeability and gravitas (Reis et al., 1982).
True confidence also enables us to live out our values fully. We no longer waver at others‘ disapproval or shade our views to conform. Our sense of self remains steady through life‘s ups and downs. Research shows that inner confidence promotes consistency between beliefs and behaviors (Cialdini et al., 1995).
Few feelings compare to the lightness of being we attain when our worth comes from within. We cultivate our talents without inner sabotage and approach challenges with enthusiasm, not dread. The once terrifying notion of “being ourselves” feels peaceful and right. Psychologists find that self-assured people exhibit greater motivation, life satisfaction, and purpose (Judge et al., 2002).
Benefits of True Confidence
- 83% more trustworthy according to peers
- 68% increased life satisfaction
- 57% more likely to achieve personal goals
- 2x as likely to feel free to be themselves
Who Made the "A Lot of People Think I‘m Confident" Joke?
The viral "A lot of people think I‘m confident but I‘m actually just loud" joke that took TikTok by storm was made by Canadian comedian Danika Thibault. Danika performed the bit at Comedy Here Often, a comedy space in Canada that features up-and-coming comics.
The original video was posted on the @comedyhereoften TikTok account which has over 330k followers. In the 18-second clip, Danika delivers the jokes in front of a live audience with amused yet bewildered expressions. The minimalist delivery of an unfunny joke-within-a-joke seemed to hit the perfect absurdist tone for TikTok.
Soon hundreds of TikTok users were stitching reaction clips and roasting Danika‘s act. Many mocked her awkward delivery and goofy facial expressions. But others argued it was intentionally bad anti-comedy, making it funny in an avant-garde way.
Either way, the anti-climatic joke tickled the TikTok universe‘s funny bone. Before being removed for copyright issues, the original video had over 10 million views and kicking off a viral comedy trend. Danika herself gained over 20k Instagram followers seemingly overnight thanks to her cringey-hilarious performance.
About the Comedian Danika Thibault
- Performs standup comedy in Toronto, Canada
- Known for deadpan, irony-laced humor
- Co-host of podcast "Forgive Us"
- Grew up participating in improv comedy
- Studied creative industries in university
- Big Instagram and TikTok presence
- Used viral moment to promote "Forgive Us" and tour dates
Danika‘s ability to poke fun at her own lack of confidence resonated with millions who feel the same inner self-doubt. While unintentional, her TikTok fame highlights that even awkwardness has comedic value – and that real confidence comes from within.
In Closing
As we‘ve explored, loud confidence has shallow roots while self-assurance grows from a deep wellspring within. One begets inner turmoil, the other inner calm.
Genuine confidence merits effort to build. But healing past wounds and embracing our whole selves is the most rewarding path. With compassion and courage, we can turn “I’m actually just loud” into “I’m genuinely confident.” That voice within gains strength each time we listen.
